Thursday, January 27, 2011

Why We Need Each Other

Ideally an epiphany occurs to me before I start a blog post, but sometimes nothing matters but the conviction that something must be said about a particular topic.  And that topic tonight is us: you and me and everyone we know and everyone we don't know.  We're funny creatures, we humans.  We make to-do lists and bucket lists and they never look the same.  We buy each other gifts in December and return them in January.  We work jobs that we don't like or that stress us out to pay for houses we don't have time to enjoy due to said jobs.  I'm not criticizing us; most of us are doing the best we can.  I'm also not suggesting that we all go sky-diving, skip Christmas and quit our jobs.  I'm just trying to convince myself, and maybe help you consider, that we are all we've got, and that we'd better make the best of us while we can. 

Yesterday I was an idealist and today I am not.  Today I am certain that we are all destined for heartbreak and trial and that the only way we can make it through either is with each other.  All my life I have tried to establish my own identity, to distinguish myself in some way, and I have resented the lack of "dare to be great" moments in my life.  I have been waiting impatiently for an obstacle to overcome while those I love most could have used my support in surmounting theirs.  Even worse, I have tried to create and overcome fictional obstacles to give myself a sense of contol and purpose.  It is this kind of thinking which isolates us and prevents us from living more meaningful, love-filled lives.  Anything could happen to any of us at any moment, but that moment is not what we should live for or fear.  We should live for each other and fear the loneliness of living for oneself alone rather than the uncertainty of living without a clear purpose or identity.

Please tell the people you love that you love them, and please try to love more people, including yourself.  When the time comes for you to face your obstacles, you will be glad you did.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Knowing & No-ing

Happy new year, everyone.  Now that day two is wrapping up, we are mostly recovered from our various maladies: hangovers, trashed residences and feelings of excitement and cheer. It's 2011 now, and we will be cursing it for weeks as we pay our bills, write our checks and turn in our homework.  The next holiday isn't here until February (I am not even going there in this post), so we have over a month to get acquainted with this awkward new year before we celebrate again.  The new year is like a blind date set up by your mom; no matter how much you want to, you just can't say no.  When you think about it though, who knows you better than your mom?  I think my mom knows me better than I know myself.  So I'm going to approach this new year with a new attitude: I'm going to say no to saying no.

When I think of the mistakes I've made, I realize that the majority of them stemmed from my saying no.  The reason we say "no" is closely linked to its homophone, "know."  When we don't know the outcome of a decision, we assess risk before deciding.  Sensitive people tend to be inherently risk-averse, which means that we often say no before fully weighing our options.  The paradox is that we can never fully know the outcome of a decision to begin with, and when we choose to say no, we prevent ourselves from ever knowing.  When I was in college, I focused so much on gaining knowledge that I forgot to gain experience; I now know that experience is the only knowledge that matters.  I apologize if that statement reads as cliche and obvious, but I am truly just beginning to embrace this idea.  Of course I am not advocating saying yes to everything (more power to Jim Carrey, though); I am advocating saying yes when your only fear is that of the unknown.

Perhaps you have another, closely related issue: perhaps you are ready to say yes, to embrace possibilities, but the possibilities are not readily presenting themselves.  I'm right there with you.  Just remember that patience is a virtue, but so is courage.  And courage is way more badass than patience, and you are an introverted badass capable of awesomeness.  If you have a hard time agreeing to participate in an outing or take some other risk, the thought of being the mastermind behind such an event may induce nausea.  If this applies to you, I advise starting small.  Of course, we sensitive folk are all over the spectrum when it comes to participation comfort levels.  For me, the threshold hovers right around the "dancing among a bunch of strangers in a crowded club on New Year's Eve" mark.  I did it, found it somehow both awkward and exhilarating, and now my threshold is a little higher.  I still prefer more low-key events, but I'm glad I did something outside my comfort zone because I know more about myself after having done it.  I find it ironic that sensitive people are the most self-aware people but also tend to know the least about ourselves - we know what we know, but there isn't much to know. 

I digress... back to the idea of creating rather than waiting on possibilities.  Fear of the unknown intensifies when fear of rejection is also in play.  It's easier to say no than to have someone say no to you.  The next time you are about to decline an offer, consider the risk the other person took in asking you to participate.  Think especially hard about those people who have asked you to participate numerous times despite your repeated negative responses.  I have done this more times than I care to admit, and I vow not to do it again.  Once you start accepting, you will feel more accepted.  Once you feel more accepted, you will feel more empowered and less afraid of rejection from others.  Just remember that even if you are rejected, you are one step closer to knowing yourself.  And you are still an introverted badass.