Analyzing Anger

The highly sensitive person's greatest fear is conflict.  Fears of public speaking, large crowds, and even making major mistakes in front of others do not compare to the dreadful prospect of confrontation.  I have been thinking a lot about conflict and anger lately because of their recent prevalence at the bookstore where I work.  A co-worker and friend of mine was recently the recipient of a customer's wrath (a strong word, but sadly appropriate), and I felt confused and sad by the incident itself and by the fact this sort of thing seems to be a growing trend.  I am not going to enter the recession = more bad moods discourse because angry people were angry even when their stocks were up.  I am convinced that the issue is internal.

Anger is an inevitable human emotion.  The root of anger is expectation, and the most sensitive person in the world has expectations.  When reality does not mirror or exceed our expectations (which is the case about 99.9% of the time - call me cynical), uneasiness results.  We feel slighted, unfulfilled, let down: we have already started down the path of anger.  Remember Robert Frost and the road that diverged in the woods?  I think that road is a fitting analogy for anger.  After our expectations are shattered, we walk in silence - heads down, hands in pockets, scowls affixed on our faces - until we reach that fork.  The signpost reads "Self" and "Others," and we must choose.  The choice is this: will I direct my anger inward or outward?  The HSP almost always opts for "Self" and continues walking alone.  To others, this individual's conflict is invisible; to the individual, the conflict is very real and sometimes very painful.

For the HSP, the pain of self-directed anger, however acute, is preferable to the other option: anger directed at others.  If you read my last post, you may remember my theory about context: those on the low end of the sensitivity spectrum perceive their egos (or selves) as the supreme context; all else is content which is subject to the authority of the context.  As such, anything which threatens the autonomy of this context, whether it be a person or a circumstance, is at fault.  Because circumstances cannot respond to anger, the angry individual chooses another person on whom to project his or her feelings.  The term for this reaction is insecurity - a defense mechanism used when one's own ego is perceived to be vulnerable.  The next time someone projects anger onto you, try to remember that behind the apparent confidence (the raised voice, the insistence that he or she is right), there is fear.

So, HSPs, take heart.  Your fear of conflict does not make you weak; it makes you wise.  Mahatma Gandhi, famous for his dedication to nonviolence, said: "As heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world."  Some conflict with others is inevitable, but those who seek to resolve and control their anger by taking a solitary walk - I mean this both literally and figuratively - have a kind of power lacking in those who confront and attack.  When we internalize our anger, we stoke fires within - the fires that fuel our visions for a better world, our efforts to affect change, our art, our very souls.